LOP(PPP)
By Anwaar Hussain
Having observed international politics in general, and Pakistani politics in particular, over a long period of time, the scribe feels constrained to surmise that the phenomenon, weird as it may seem, works according to certain laws. Let us call these as the general Laws of Politics (Pakistani Politics in Particular) or LOP(PPP) in abbreviated form.
Following is a concise list of LOP(PPP);
First law of Politicianary Motion
The orbit of every politician is an ellipse with the power centre i.e. the king, the ruler or the president at its focus.
Law of Conservation of Political Corruption
It states that the total amount of corruption in a political system remains constant over time. A consequence of this law is that corruption can neither be created nor destroyed. It is always present in exploitable forms in any political system. The only thing that can happen to corruption in a political system is that it can change form, for instance power hunger can become nepotism that can in turn change into a buying and selling activity, a la the stock exchange, over a period of time.
Law of Buoyancy
Any politician, wholly or partially immersed in four letter gooey substances, is buoyed up by a force equal to the weight of the four letter gooey substance displaced by the politician. In other words, the more voluminous an immersed politician is, the larger will be the mass of four letter gooey substance displaced by him.
Law of Heat Conduction
The law of Heat Conduction states that the time rate of heat transfer through a politician is proportional to the thickness of his skin, its temperature and to the nature of the organ the skin is covering and through which the heat is flowing.
The Uncertainty Principle
The Uncertainty Principle states that certain pairs of character virtues in a politician, like honesty and honor, cannot both be known to random exactness. That is, the more precisely one property is known, the less precisely the other can be known. In other words, an accurate measure of a politician’s honesty cannot guarantee an honorable stand on important national issues and vice versa.
Law of Pressure
In a politician of given volume at constant temperature, pressure and volume are inversely proportional (while one increases, the other decreases). Or in other words, in politicians of ever expanding volumes, pressure points on their bodies continue to reduce.
Law of Political Entropy
Entropy, a measure of disorder, continues to increase in a political system. Or, alternately, the more improvements that are promised to have been delivered by the politicians, the higher the rate of breakdown in other subsystems they oversee.
Physical Laws of Political Motion
Then are the three physical laws of political motion that form the basis for classical politics. These are:
1. In the absence of a proper stimulus, a politician at rest continues to remain at rest and one in motion continues to remain in motion with constant greed.
2. A politician experiencing a stimulus S experiences an acceleration a related to S by S = ma, where m is the mass of the politician. In other words, for a politician of given mass, the larger the stimulus S, the larger will be the acceleration a.
3. Whenever one politician exerts a force F on a second politician, the second politician exerts a force −F on the first politician. F and −F are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction. The equilibrium continues till the introduction of a stimulus S at which time the −F becomes + F and the 2Fs continue in the same direction with combined force.
The scribe ends this piece with two quotes;
-Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. ~Ernest Benn
-Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton
The reader may contribute a quote or add to LOP(PPP) if he/she so wishes.
X-X-X-X
Some more characteristics of politicians and – not to forget – the religious leaders:
1) Politicians/leaders change over from the classic “call someone a dog and shoot him” to “shoot someone and then call him a dog”.
2) Call every criticism as hate-mongering and blasphemy aginst god.
3) Reward the flatterers and punish the honest.
January 22nd, 2010 at 12:43 pmWell articulated article Anwaar,
Your general laws indeed are particularly relevant to our politicians.
There may be yet another law: survival of the fittest, wherein jungle law reigns supreme. They believe, like Nietzsche, ‘Your neighbor love is bad love of yourself’.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:30 pmThis Law can be applied to international politics too. From Teddy Roosevelt at San Juan Hill to Patrice Lmumba in the Congo to Aristide in Haiti, etc., the Rule here seems to be that the more American rich dudes take over other countries in order to exploit their resources, the more the ARDs cry out that they are “doing it for Democracy”.
Also this Law does not require that the American people be exempt from this process. Indeed — just witness the “election” of George W. Bush and the recent “Massachusetts Miracle” wherein electronic voting machines apparently determined an election winner and then the neo-cons loudly boasted about how “Democracy” had won. Yeah right.
January 22nd, 2010 at 10:15 pmWhen speaking to a journalism class at TCU (Texas Christian University) a few years ago one of the other invitees had this to say regarding political process:
“In the first election the people elect you. For the second election, special interests elect you.”
The desire to maintain power once acquired, allows for corruptability to special interests who maintain the larger wallet.
So possibly the equation would read:
P+1e = positive outcome
(S-P) + 2e = negative outcome
S squared – P = corruption
P = people
1e = first election
2e = second election
S = special interests
*And you thought I couldn’t remember pre-algebra!
I did enjoy the inclusion of laws of physics, Anwaar.
Smiling,
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:16 pmTammy Swofford
Politics is the art of making the possible impossible!
The difference between a politician and a prostitute is one is paid by men for lip service, the other pays men lip service!
Whether you throw your money off of a cliff, or pay it in taxes, it will still end up in the pocket of a politician somewhere!
The only thing that out-paces the rise in corruption of a politician, is the number of laws they create to enable it!
If absolute power corrupts, does it mean that all politicians are omnipotent?
So many politicians commit adultery, because their wives believe since they are politicians they must be cheating anyway!
In the end, the people will sell themselves into slavery through the silvery tongued language of politicians, while believing they are gaining freedom instead!
C = P to the Nth power, where C is corruption, P is 2 politicians and N is the total number of politicians. We note then that corruption is exponential.
January 23rd, 2010 at 8:28 amThanks everybody. The list expands.
Hope others join in too in compiling this compendium. This is an invaluable service to humanity.
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:06 amUniversal Law
* day follows night
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:15 am* fire is hot
* politician is corrupt
Funnies aside, it is this sheer need of politicians to somehow survive using all these fantastic LOPS, which are all accurate btw, that introduces the remote possibility of good direction for the group these politicians ‘aspire’ to lead. Of course I use the term aspire with a grain of salt
. The options of army rule, kingdoms or dictation completely lack that nuance hence much more dangerous, prone to failure and less worthy of adoption.
January 23rd, 2010 at 4:52 pmVery good article. For those of use with any level of understanding for “Natural Law” your article provides a Rosetta stone of sorts to start a dialog with the less fortunate modern man.
January 24th, 2010 at 7:05 pmHere are some definitions.
Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.”
“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.” like Musharraf, by the way when is Zardari’s book coming out? Any one knows what could be the title?
“A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.”
Murderer ? NO
Embezzler? NO
Floor crosser? NO
Dishonest ? NO
Deceiver ? NO
Sorry! You can’t be a politician.
January 27th, 2010 at 3:44 pmSome more.
Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don’t understand, such as working for a living.”
“The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.”
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”
“The mistake a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they’ve been appointed and thinking they’ve been anointed.”
January 27th, 2010 at 3:56 pmI think the Law of Conservation of Corruption has been violated by PPP Government. Newer forms of corruption have been invented with marked increase in the existing forms of corruption.
September 22nd, 2011 at 10:12 am