Bush’s Adios

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Author’s note: The soon to come Bush’s farewell address will be delivered in Texican, his native language. To enjoy the address, you got to have a working knowledge of Texican. The lexicon for Texican is given at the end of this address.

By Anwaar Hussain

cowboy.gifGuys ‘n gals!

Howdy gang,

When I took over the presidency of this great country of ours, hombres used to say about me, “The engine’s runnin’ but ain’t nobody drivin’”. In my eight years on top o’ the world I went on to prove all o’ them damn wrong. Though now I am as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party in most o’ the countries of the world yet if you’ve done it, it ain’t braggin’. I dunno how can one call someone a cowboy without havin’ seen him ride? Now only Iran sometimes reminds me that if one gits to thinkin’ one’s a person o’ some influence, he shud try orderin’ somebody else’s dawg around. A nucular strike is one way to teach the Iranian dawg some tricks though.

Before me the White House was so dry the trees were bribin’ the dogs. No fun’t all. When I became the head honcho o’ this ere country of ours, I told my crew that its time to paint your butts white and run with the antelope. Before me, they were used to boss-men who were jes big hats, no cattle. Me thought it was time they knew this ain’t my first rodeo.

O’ the Dem hopefuls, I have only this to say. Barack seems to be a guy who, dumber than dirt that he is, looks like the dawg’s been keepin’ him under the porch. He’s as full o’ wind as a corn-eatin’ horse. Sometimes, I feel like beatin’ him like a rented mule.

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Rules of Engagement for America’s Victims

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By Anwaar Hussain

soldier.jpgIf by a quirk of fate, America’s victim nations get together, pronounce ‘enough is enough’ and proceed to invade and occupy America, what would their Rules of Engagement be during the occupation. The scribe has chalked out just a few on the exact same lines as America has them for her forces in Iraq. Here is how these go;

GENERAL GUIDANCE: This establishes the Rules of Engagement (ROE) for all the Victim Nations’ Forces (VICFORs) operating within the geographical confines of their former tormentor, the United States of America. Those forces not under immediate threat from the USA may establish more restrictive ROE in accordance with their national caveats. Conflicting ROE will be addressed on a case-by-case basis by the Victim Nations Central Command (VENTCOM). (To avoid any confusion, special attention must be given to Further Explanation (FE) given within the brackets at the end of most of the ROE)

VICTIMS’ NATIONS’ (VICNATs) NATIONAL POLICY. The VICNATs National Policy is to take the initiative within the limits allowed by these ROE during the occupation of the United States of America.

VICNATs MILITARY POLICY. # Commanders have the inherent authority and obligation to use all necessary means available and to take all appropriate action in self defense against the roving bands of former US Military Forces (FE: emphasis added on the word ‘roving’ and not on words ‘military’ and ‘forces’).

# Inside the geographical confines of the United States of America strikes on infrastructure, lines of communication and economic objects should, to the extent possible, disable and disrupt rather than destroy (FE: a wanton destruction in the heat of the moment may be overlooked on a case-by-case basis).

# Civilian structures, especially cultural and historic buildings in cities like Washington D.C., New York and Boston are protected structures (FE: Not in cities like Los Angeles and San Fransisco that the VENTCOM does not fancy). Additionally, nonmilitary structures, civilian population centers, churches and other religious places, hospitals and facilities displaying the red cross, are also protected structures and will not be attacked except when they are being used for military purposes (FE: which they often will be).

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Anwaar’s articles appear simultaneously here at Truth Spring and at Soul Vibes in The Pakistan Tribune.


US loses its status as economic world power
DAVOS, Switzerland, 2008
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